I am taking a wee break from writing for a few weeks (to move house 😱), but I don’t want to deprive you of a Saturday post, so I hope you like this.
Sometimes, you just need a funny poem, or monologue, to lift your spirits, and I have always loved this one. It was written by Marriott Edgar and made famous by Stanley Holloway (1890 to 1982), an English actor and comedian. He played the role of Alfred P. Doolittle in My Fair Lady.
The Lion and Albert
Click here if you would like to hear Holloway recite ‘The Lion and Albert’.
There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool, That's noted for fresh air and fun. And Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom, Went there with young Albert, their son. A grand little lad were young Albert, All dressed in his best, quite a swell. With a stick with a horse's head handle, The finest that Woolworth's could sell. They didn't think much to the ocean, The waves they were piddling and small. There was no wrecks and nobody drowneded, 'Fact, nothin' to laugh at at all! So, seeking for further amusement, They paid, and went into the zoo. Where they'd lions and tigers and camels, And old ale and sandwiches, too.
There were one great big lion called Wallace, His nose was all covered with scars. He lay in a somnolent posture, With the side of his face on the bars. Now Albert had heard about lions, How they was ferocious and wild. To see Wallace lying so peaceful, Well it didn't seem right to the child. So straightway the brave little feller, Not showing a morsel of fear. Took his stick with the horse's head handle, And shoved it in Wallace's ear.
You could see that the lion didn't like it, For giving a kind of a roll, He pulled Albert inside the cage with him, And swallowed the little lad whole! Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence, And didn't know what to do next. Said "Mother, yon lion's ate Albert!" And Mother said "Ee, I am vexed". Then Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom, quite rightly When all is said and done. Complained to the animal keeper, That the lion had eaten their son.
The keeper was quite nice about it, He said "What a nasty mishap. Are you sure that it's your boy he's eaten?" Pa said, "Am I sure? There's his cap!" The manager had to be sent for, He came and he said "What's to-do?" Pa said "Yon lion's ate Albert, And him in his Sunday clothes, too!" Then Mother said "Right's right, young feller- I think it's a shame and a sin. For a lion to go and eat Albert, And after we paid to come in". The manager wanted no trouble, He took out his purse right away. Saying "How much to settle the matter?" Pa says "What do you usually pay?"
But Mother had turned a bit awkward, When she thought where her Albert had gone. She said "No, someone's got to be summonsed!" So that was decided upon. Then off they went to the police station, In front of the Magistrate chap. They told him what happened to Albert, And proved it by showing his cap. The Magistrate gave his opinion, That no one was really to blame. And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms, Would have further sons to their name. At that Mother got proper blazing, "And thank you, sir, kindly, " said she. "What, waste all our lives raising children. To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"
Marriott Edgar wrote the monologue in the 1930’s. It is set in the menageries that existed at that time in Blackpool Tower. The lion in the poem is called Wallace, which was the name of the first African lion to be bred in Britain, living from 1812 until 1838. The original illustrations, shown here, are by John Hassell.
Brilliant! Thanks for sharing, Kate. And good luck with the move 🏡
This is such a delightful and uplifting post! Taking a break for a house move is the right thing to do for sure, and I hope things go well. The vivid storytelling and witty verses are delightful. I especially loved the humorous twist at the end.