I remember - or do I?
"You live twice: once in reality, the second time, in memories." Honoré de Balzac.
I want to encourage people to write about their lives, in whatever way that suits them, but to leave some kind of legacy. I think how we lived is historically important, and we should write stories about what happened to us, our family, and the world we lived in - along with our thoughts & feelings. We need to leave our stories, so future generations will understand us.
To tell or write anything about ourselves, we have to remember.
I remember, I remember,
The house where I was born,
The little window where the sun
Came peeping in at morn;
He never came a wink too soon,
Nor brought too long a day.
By Thomas Hood (1799 to 1845)
The brain, and how it retains memory, is complex and fascinating. I have been reading an excellent book by Lisa Genova called Remember: The Science of Memory and the Art of Forgetting.
The first part of this article is about memory, and the last part is about how you can improve how you remember, and better recall memories.
In order to tell your story, and the stories of your photographs, you need to remember. There are many different types of memory. The working memory (or short-term memory) enables you to remember things in the present moment - if someone tells you a number to call for instance. You can’t hold onto that information for very long, because it needs to be replaced by other short-term information. Including remembering the beginning of this sentence, so it still makes sense by the time you get to the end of it.
A memory can move from working memory to long-term storage under certain conditions - most importantly, you have to be paying attention to the experience.
The brain best remembers meaningful, surprising, unusual, exciting and emotional events.
There are several types of long-term memory1, including what is commonly called muscle memory which is utilised when undertaking a learned task - for instance riding a bike. Once you have learned how to ride a bike you rarely need to think through all the different movements involved, even if it has been a long time since you last rode a bike. Prospective memory is used to remember appointments, dates or events that are due to happen in the future. Semantic memory is used to remember the meanings of words and facts. But I am focusing on episodic memory, which is how we store and recall events in our lives.
“Episodic memory, your memory for what happened in your life, is the history of you remembered by you. It is memory tethered to a place and time, the where and when recollections of your life’s experiences. Episodic memory is time-traveling to your past.” Lisa Genova.2
Routines that we do every day, such as eating dinner, are rarely remembered because they are not new experiences - our memory does not pay much attention when we repeat tasks. We also don’t remember most of the information that we held in our working memory, because it was not of particular importance to us.
For example, do you remember what you ate for dinner on the 7th of March last year? Probably not, but I expect you remember your birthday dinner at a special restaurant, or an exciting visit to a summer fair as a child. I remember the time my stepmother threw a full glass of wine at my father in a crowded restaurant (yes, that really happened, and unsurprisingly I remember it).
"Memory is the diary we all carry about with us." Oscar Wilde.
Between the ages of 15 and 30 we retain more episodic memories than at any other time in our lives. Probably because we have so many new, interesting experiences during that time - university, work, relationships, children, etc.
“In general, the more emotional the event, the more vividly and elaborately detailed the memory”. Lisa Genova.
Apart from being able to consolidate memories into our brain, we need to be able to retrieve the memories at a later date. This is most effectively done when we save good quality, detailed memories in the first place.
Most of the time, memory serves us very well. But memory can mislead us, as episodic memories are fallible. You may remember incorrectly both because the process of remembering is not always dependable, and because your viewpoint or understanding of the events is not necessarily correct or complete, as you may not have included some vital components (either because you did not know or have forgotten them).
As Queen Elizabeth II said, “recollections may vary”3.
Memories can be impacted by an assortment of influences. For instance, something you are reading, a photograph, an emotion, or even your emotional state. You can also remember incorrectly because you choose to do so. Interestingly, after you have been recalling and retelling an incorrect memory for a while, you may forget the truth and believe it yourself.
As an example, Peter lied when he told his father he kicked the winning goal in a football match at school. But after the story was re-told many times, over many years, Peter’s memory was altered, and he absolutely believed that he kicked the winning goal. There is a lot of research to show that memories can be falsely created or contaminated.
“Rich false memories can appear and feel just as real and true as true memories. Just because the memory report is detailed, just because the person expresses confidence, just because the individual is highly emotional when reporting, does not mean it really happened”4.
Recalling memories also becomes harder as time goes by, so it is important that the original memory is of good quality. You can only store a good quality memory if you pay attention as you observe and use all your senses to capture the moment.
"The true art of memory is the art of attention" Samuel Johnson.
Even so, memories can physically deteriorate over time, as neural connections can retract or disappear. Every time we access even a good, detailed memory it becomes vulnerable to change; we may forget bits, add information, or subconsciously change our recollection because our opinions or emotions about the event have changed.
What can you do to improve your episodic memory and recall?
Pay attention5, because this makes it easier for the neural activity triggered in the brain by an event to be encoded into memory.
Add a visual image to your memory, like taking a photograph in your mind.
Articulate your emotions. Think about how you feel - emotional experiences are better remembered than neutral ones.
Keep thinking about the event, and talk about it regularly, so you consolidate it in your memory.
Regularly look at photos and videos. Add captions and write short details of the event (including how you felt) to strengthen the memory and help you to retrieve it successfully in the future.
Write a journal. Writing down your experiences will help you consolidate your memory, and more easily recall details later. It can also prevent you from adding any false details to a memory later on.
20th November 1825. I have all my life regretted that I did not keep a regular [diary]. I have myself lost recollection of much that was interesting and I have deprived my family and the public of some curious information by not carrying this resolution into effect. I have bethought me on seeing lately some volumes of Byron's notes that he probably had hit upon the right way of keeping such a memorandum-book, by throwing aside all pretence to regularity and order and marking down events just as they occurd [sic] to recollection. Diary of Sir Walter Scott, who started a diary aged 54.
I learnt about the diary of Sir Walter Scott through the fascinating Diaries of Note published by
, who also publishes Letters of Note on Substack.The brain is important, that's true,
For all things a person will do,
From reading to writing,
To skiing to biting,
It makes up the person who's you.
Anon.
If you want to improve your memory
has some interesting articles. Visit my Substack Notes for more ideas.My intention is only to give a high-level summary of the main memory categories. The workings of the brain, and how memories are stored are much more complex than detailed in this article.
Quotes by Lisa Genova are from Remember: The Science of Memory and the Art of Forgetting. Published by Allen & Unwin.
Harry & Meghan were interviewed by Oprah Winfrey in 2021, during which some criticisms were made of Meghan’s treatment in the UK. After the interview Queen Elizabeth II issued a statement: “The issues raised [during the interview], particularly that of race, are concerning. While some recollections may vary, they are taken very seriously and will be addressed by the family privately.”
Loftus, E. F., & Bernstein, D. M. (2005). Rich False Memories: The Royal Road to Success. In A. F. Healy (Ed.), Experimental cognitive psychology and its applications (pp. 101–113). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/10895-008
It seems my teachers were scientifically correct when they said I should pay more attention in class.
On last week's episode of the Apple TV series Criminal Record, a psychologist (a character in the show) described the process of making memories as creating an oil painting. I haven't stopped thinking about that. Your post is too good for a quick read. Going back to reread and research! Thank-you.
There is a possibility that some of us may live a third time: after the probate is settled and the keys are presented by the attorney to the children for a storage unit, which when opened, elicits a “what was he thinking?” as they gaze in horror at the carefully curated collection of odd, bizarre, and tasteless junk I left behind as revenge for all the crayons, Cheerios, and French fries wedged into the back seat of the new minivan, and especially not forgetting or forgiving the humid, summertime stench of spilled milk.