On last week's episode of the Apple TV series Criminal Record, a psychologist (a character in the show) described the process of making memories as creating an oil painting. I haven't stopped thinking about that. Your post is too good for a quick read. Going back to reread and research! Thank-you.
There is a possibility that some of us may live a third time: after the probate is settled and the keys are presented by the attorney to the children for a storage unit, which when opened, elicits a “what was he thinking?” as they gaze in horror at the carefully curated collection of odd, bizarre, and tasteless junk I left behind as revenge for all the crayons, Cheerios, and French fries wedged into the back seat of the new minivan, and especially not forgetting or forgiving the humid, summertime stench of spilled milk.
I love the idea of leaving a secret storage room as a surprise for the kids after you die. It is a fine revenge for childhood mess, but it could also be a conundrum. What are these things? Was this my parent? Who were they really? What weirdness is this? What does it mean?
It’s interesting to consider that some of my earliest memories may be highly manipulated by my own brain. I try to absorb the emotions of my memories to better understand them and that way, even if the details aren’t precise, the general feeling I had in the moment is authentic.
That's a great way of keeping your memories authentic. Of course, early memories are heavily influenced by our families stories about us, and what happened when we were very young.
I know, it's scary. Just think of all the historical accounts that we think of as factual - when they may be mis-remembered (as well as always being written by the winner). And what about the family stories ...
It's almost scary how we can have rich, detailed but false memories. I dislike moments when I realize that memory may be all I have to go on and yet it can be wrong. Also, how different would our lives be if all the things we do remember were swapped out for all the memories we don't remember? I wrote a piece on my Substack just yesterday about how memory and journal-writing overlap with each other, based on 50 years of journal entries.
How wonderful to have the resource of all your journals. I think journaling - even if it is only facts and short comments - makes a big difference when writing a memoir, and it leaves information for future ancestry hunters. I have subscribed and look forward to reading your Substack.
Thank you. I love ancestry hunting too. My cousin and I have been working for years on our family tree. I don't know if I'll ever be the subject of a hunt, though, because I don't have kids. I wonder what is the best thing I can do with my journals for posterity - I don't think anybody would want them, but I'm proud of them. Thank you for subscribing! I appreciate that very much!
I think it is even more important that people without kids write their stories because people with kids often record details of their children. People without kids have a different viewpoint of life, besides often giving a context for ancestry studies. All our stories are important to future generations.
I am reading a fascinating diary 'Notebooks of a Woman Alone' by by Evelyn Wilson. Her diary was found and published after her death in 1935. Her struggle to live an independent life is important for us to read and remember. Unfortunately it is not published, but you can read it online https://drc.usask.ca/projects/notebooks/wilson.php
Many of the most fascinating ancestors in my tree are those without children and would have loved to read any diary they may have kept. I hope yours (and you too!) stay around for a long time.
Thank you, Kirsi and Kate, for these supportive comments regarding the value of a personal story even without direct descendants to give it to.
We have ten nieces and nephews (on my husband's side; I'm an only child) who are young adults. I've been slowly "feeling them out" and wonder if any of them would even so much as glance through my notebooks if I put them in my will. Maybe so. It's hard to make room for conversations about things like this with young people who are busy building their lives. I'll keep trying. (I'm only 60 and hope I'll be around for another 40!)
I need to re-read this, and Genova's book is next on my never-ending list.
I'm glad I found your Substack, and I think you'll be interested in Miranda's https://substack.com/@rootstories and her project on memory called "The Memory Mine"
On last week's episode of the Apple TV series Criminal Record, a psychologist (a character in the show) described the process of making memories as creating an oil painting. I haven't stopped thinking about that. Your post is too good for a quick read. Going back to reread and research! Thank-you.
There is a possibility that some of us may live a third time: after the probate is settled and the keys are presented by the attorney to the children for a storage unit, which when opened, elicits a “what was he thinking?” as they gaze in horror at the carefully curated collection of odd, bizarre, and tasteless junk I left behind as revenge for all the crayons, Cheerios, and French fries wedged into the back seat of the new minivan, and especially not forgetting or forgiving the humid, summertime stench of spilled milk.
I love the idea of leaving a secret storage room as a surprise for the kids after you die. It is a fine revenge for childhood mess, but it could also be a conundrum. What are these things? Was this my parent? Who were they really? What weirdness is this? What does it mean?
It’s interesting to consider that some of my earliest memories may be highly manipulated by my own brain. I try to absorb the emotions of my memories to better understand them and that way, even if the details aren’t precise, the general feeling I had in the moment is authentic.
That's a great way of keeping your memories authentic. Of course, early memories are heavily influenced by our families stories about us, and what happened when we were very young.
Our memory is such a fascinating topic! Especially the facts that we loose memories and that memories can un-consciously can be altered.
I know, it's scary. Just think of all the historical accounts that we think of as factual - when they may be mis-remembered (as well as always being written by the winner). And what about the family stories ...
It's almost scary how we can have rich, detailed but false memories. I dislike moments when I realize that memory may be all I have to go on and yet it can be wrong. Also, how different would our lives be if all the things we do remember were swapped out for all the memories we don't remember? I wrote a piece on my Substack just yesterday about how memory and journal-writing overlap with each other, based on 50 years of journal entries.
How wonderful to have the resource of all your journals. I think journaling - even if it is only facts and short comments - makes a big difference when writing a memoir, and it leaves information for future ancestry hunters. I have subscribed and look forward to reading your Substack.
Thank you. I love ancestry hunting too. My cousin and I have been working for years on our family tree. I don't know if I'll ever be the subject of a hunt, though, because I don't have kids. I wonder what is the best thing I can do with my journals for posterity - I don't think anybody would want them, but I'm proud of them. Thank you for subscribing! I appreciate that very much!
I think it is even more important that people without kids write their stories because people with kids often record details of their children. People without kids have a different viewpoint of life, besides often giving a context for ancestry studies. All our stories are important to future generations.
I am reading a fascinating diary 'Notebooks of a Woman Alone' by by Evelyn Wilson. Her diary was found and published after her death in 1935. Her struggle to live an independent life is important for us to read and remember. Unfortunately it is not published, but you can read it online https://drc.usask.ca/projects/notebooks/wilson.php
Thank you, I'm going to read this!
Many of the most fascinating ancestors in my tree are those without children and would have loved to read any diary they may have kept. I hope yours (and you too!) stay around for a long time.
Thank you, Kirsi and Kate, for these supportive comments regarding the value of a personal story even without direct descendants to give it to.
We have ten nieces and nephews (on my husband's side; I'm an only child) who are young adults. I've been slowly "feeling them out" and wonder if any of them would even so much as glance through my notebooks if I put them in my will. Maybe so. It's hard to make room for conversations about things like this with young people who are busy building their lives. I'll keep trying. (I'm only 60 and hope I'll be around for another 40!)
This was such a clear summary of an interesting area!
Thank you! So glad you found it interesting.
I need to re-read this, and Genova's book is next on my never-ending list.
I'm glad I found your Substack, and I think you'll be interested in Miranda's https://substack.com/@rootstories and her project on memory called "The Memory Mine"
Thank you so much for the recommendation. It's always great to find new Substacks and expand ones knowledge.
Thank you for your comment and the idea of making memories like creating an oil painting. A fascinating concept.